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Kids need (not want) discipline
I just had the chance to be part of my friend Jonathan McKee’s fun, little YouTube resource for parents he’s calling, “R U Listening.” These 2-3 minute videos accomplish two things:
1. They give insight to the teenage perspective about parenting. Jonathan asks teenagers across North America, “What advice would you give your parents if you knew they would actually listen?” The perspectives teenagers share are amazing… if you really listen
2. These videos provide some real life application as to how parents should respond. In this video, I got a chance to respond to Katy’s perspective when she shared, “Stop grounding me! It doesn’t work.” Each of these responses provides some tips that help parents listen to the felt need, and then respond appropriately.
Here’s my response to Katy in this episode of “R U Listening?”
[If the video doesn't sppear in your RSS feed, click here]
If you’re looking for something else on discipline, you might check out my recent blog post, “5 Questions to Ask As You Discipline Your Child.”
What about you?
Question: How would you respond to your kids if they told you, “Grounding doesn’t work!”?
What would the concept of “setting up consequences ahead of time” look like in your home? Share your thoughts here.
[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.
Is there Good News in your neighborhood?
GUEST POST: Adam McLane is a lifelong student of youth ministry, a veteran youth pastor, and mentor to an ever-expanding web of students and adults. Adam is a partner in The Youth Cartel, a full-service consulting firm specializing in helping churches, businesses and ministries connect with teenagers, young adults, and youth workers.
“You have a horrible job. You go to work early and come home late. You rush around everywhere. And when you are home there are always people coming over at all hours. You have a beautiful yard, too bad you never get to enjoy it. I don’t know what kind of church you work at but I’d never want to be a part of something like that. My life is way better than that.”
Talk about letting the air out of the balloon. I’d spent a couple years waving and trying to make small talk with my next door neighbor and this is the first serious conversation we ever had.
Of course he was right. If all he knew about my family was what he observed through his kitchen window his synopsis was dead on. Everything he said was true. I was working like crazy at the church, but in three years, had done little more than shake my neighbors’ hands and exchange names.
Simply put, my life wasn’t Good News to him. In fact, as he so clearly articulated, the way I lived was pushing him further away from God. I’ve read tons of books on evangelism and apologetics and let me state the obvious: Nothing I could say was going to draw this neighbor closer to God because I was living in a way he didn’t want to have anything to do with.
His prophetic words were a tough pill to swallow. But it was the truth. If I wanted to make an impact on my neighborhood I was going to need to change how I lived before my neighbors.
That experience lead to a number of difficult reflections:
•My students aren’t inviting their peers because I’m not inviting my peers.
•I tell my students to get to know people outside of the youth group, yet my entire life revolves around serving the people who go to my church.
•I believe God placed me in my neighborhood on purpose but I don’t live like it.
•Empirically, I know that in a post-Christian society what I do validates what I say, but I don’t live like it.
•I believe God wants me to be Good News in my community as a physical representation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
That conversation and those reflections changed the course of my life. Since that time our family has gradually (and sometimes radically) reoriented our lives around the neighborhood God has placed us in. We now know our neighbors. More than their names, we know bits and pieces of their stories. We serve them and are served by them. And as we’ve lived before them as Good News conversations of the Good News flow naturally.
From the outside, it probably looks like this process of becoming Good News in the Neighborhood is an evangelism strategy. And if that means you’ll try it… call it what you want! What we’ve discovered is that orienting our lives in such a way brings life and renewal to our neighborhood in ways far beyond our eternal destiny. We’ve seen Jesus work through our family to make the here-and-now better.
A special offer: This Spring, Jon Huckins (NieuCommunities & author of Thin Places and Teaching Through the Art of Storytelling). and I wrote a 6-week curriculum for groups called, Good News in the Neighborhood. It’s six Bible studies and six experiments that will get your students out of the classroom and taking first steps in their neighborhoods. If you buy it before June 1st you’ll save $10 with coupon code DOUGROCKS. Click here
Note from Doug: I love this product! Jon and Adam do a great job at engaging students (and adults) to think a little different about “being” the Good News and evangelism. I really believe we’re going to be hearing some exciting results as youth workers engage their students with this curriculum. I’m THRILLED to endorse it.
Question: Ask Adam specific questions about this product… he’ll answer them. Ask here.
[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.
Mothers’ Day Video: Prepare to Cry
This will be the 2nd Mothers’ Day without my mom, so maybe I’m still a little tender… or, maybe this will make you cry too.
Miss my mom…
Love the mom that my wife is…
Know the value of mom’s…
Check out this video that we showed at the FAM Conference:
[If you can't see this video in RSS, go here]
Question: How are you celebrating Mothers’ Day at your church? Share.
[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.
Spiritual Maturity: A Note to Parents–Misplaced Priorities
GUEST POST by Gregg Farah serves as a teaching pastor and the student ministry pastor at Shelter Rock Church on Long Island. He and his wife, Janine have been married for 20+ years and are the parents of three amazing daughters. Gregg says besides hanging out and laughing with his family, he enjoys writing, pursuring the perfect pizza slice, cheering for the Mets, and playing sports. Gregg is trying something risky–click here to get involved.
“You’ve got to help me. My son won’t return my calls from college, he’s failing three of his classes, and he’s gotten written up two times in his dorm for alcohol use.”
I wish I didn’t have to deal with conversations like this but, sadly, I do.
I hope I won’t have these conversations as a parent and, prayerfully, I won’t.
But what makes the difference? What allows one college freshman to walk with courage and faith amidst temptation, while another leaves Jesus at home, succumbing to seemingly every impulse?
Please understand: there is NO magic formula, NOR is there a hidden parenting secret. But there are values and priorities which can help (not insure) teens to walk with Jesus after graduating from high school. One of those priorities is faithful church attendance and active involvement in a youth group. The challenge, of course, is that while that is a noble goal, parents are assaulted with the belief that their children must excel in everything. As a result, soccer games, choir competitions, SAT prep courses, and other laudable activities vie for the same limited time available to a family. And church attendance or youth group activity is often the first to go.
I have three children, two of them teenagers, and I want them to be physically fit, adept in social settings, and achieve all they can academically and in other endeavors. But my greatest desire, my biggest prayer, is that they would be spiritually mature. In fact, I am willing to sacrifice their education, their chair in the orchestra, or time on the playing field for them to walk out of my home and into the world prepared to succeed as best as possible.
Some might retort, “My child needs to do well in school or athletics in order to get into a top college. That has to take priority.” Again, hear my heart: I agree that is a valuable priority, but even if your son or daughter gets a full scholarship, unless he or she has the skills and knowledge necessary to overcome peer and intellectual pressure, that scholarship may end up being withdrawn or traded for unhealthy lifestyle choices. I’m all for education, but not at the expense of my children’s mental, emotional, or spiritual health.
Still, I’m a parent who wrestles with priorities, and whether or not my children can skip church this week or next. But I recognize now, more than ever, that the sand in my “kids at home” hourglass is all too quickly running out. I feel the pressure to do everything perfectly so that my kids don’t end up as statistics, don’t get hurt by their choices, and don’t miss out on all God has for them. Of course, perfect parenting is foolish. It’s both a heavy burden and an impossible aspiration. So, I don’t strive for perfection, but the cry of my heart is that I make a right decision…today. And maybe another one tomorrow. How about a few next week?
Priorities must be established for our children, and academic, athletic, or artistic goals have value. But be aware that they will compete with spiritual goals. Recognize the challenge and prepare for a battle, one that seeks to claim the souls of our families.
To be continued….
Talk About It As a Family:
1.What spiritual growth goals does our family have?
2.Is it ever OK for an activity or goal to take the place of church or youth group? When?
3.What are 1-2 things we can do as a family this week to help us connect with one another and with God?
Question: Do you agree with Gregg? Disagree? Thoughts? Share them here.
[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.
35 statistics describing the millennial teenager
It’s not an unusual sight to see my daughter fall asleep with her phone in her hand–I’ve often teased her that the phone has become an appendage. Texting, Facebook updates, Instagram, etc… is simply a “way of life” for teenagers.
The question is: what do we do about this reality? Curse it? Figure out how to maximize it? Ignore it? What do you think?
Here’s the most recent stats of millennials and technology:
Courtesy of: Online Schools
Question: How does this technological reality impact your ministry? Both pros & cons? Share it here.
[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.
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