Wives: what are the little things that make a BIG difference?


Ladies: I need your help! I’m doing a 4-part series called, “BE HER HERO: how not to suck as a husband” and I need a list of the little things your husband does/doesn’t do that make/could make a big difference in your marriage.

I’m not looking for “take me to London”… I’m looking for “take out the trash when it’s full” (that kind of “little stuff”).

I’m trying to make a real practical list. I’m speaking Thursday morning… so, I need your feedback within the next 36 hours. Thanks for your help!

Share your thoughts here.


[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/CourtneyGause Courtney Daugherty

    Taking initiative. Seeing things that need to be done and doing it. (Yup, that’s all of my 3 weeks of marriage advise)

  • Tina Reed

    When my husband says, “How can I help you today?” Also, when he listens to me without being on his laptop or phone. My husband rocks!! Just sayin’!! :)

  • karen

    morning coffee in bed
    empty the dish washer
    handing over the remote
    sweet texts during the day
    short kisses while passing each other in the house
    hang his clothes up
    being silly

  • yutepastorhk

    I’m a husband…BUT that take out the trash thing is so true. Last week I heard about it when my wife got home after a longer than usual day away. My two teenage sons and I had all missed the fact that the dishwasher needed to be emptied, there were clothes in the washer than needed to put in the dryer and the trash needed to be taken out. I sucked as a husband that day. Two days later she came home and I had made major improvements – emptied dishwasher, changed out the laundry, emptied the trash, even changed some light bulbs. She noticed – and it paid off HUGE for me! ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/DanielleNewsome Danielle

    help with the kids without me asking. vacuum the house :) tell me to go take an afternoon/evening to myself once in awhile

  • http://www.youthleadersacademy.com/ Rachel Blom

    Telling me I look nice
    Noticing when I’ve changed my hair or am wearing something new
    Calling me during his day just to ask how I’m doing
    Bringing me small, inexpensive gifts
    Writing beautiful cards with words of love (I’ll treasure these forever, seriously)

    Helping out with chores without me having to ask
    Leaving his stuff where I ask him to leave it :)
    Leaving me alone when I’m reading a good book

  • Kathy

    It truly is the little things. I agree with Karen excluding the coffee in bed. When we don’t have to ask for help and things (dishes, trash, kids to bed) just get done. I don’t want this everyday (would be nice, but realistically) just when my schedule is crazy. Since school has started and Youth Small Groups have started my schedule is crazy a little extra help is always nice. Oh yeah…a little kiss on the neck when he passes by would be so perfect!

  • http://www.facebook.com/suzie.pianosiralph Suzie Pianosi Ralph

    All the little chores and stuff are great of course!! But I enjoy holding hands.. and being close while spending time together. Along with telling me that he thinks I look good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amy.u.mclean Amy Ulery McLean

    He tucks me in bed & kisses me good night every night!!
    He cooks supper every night!!
    He calls to see how my day is going.
    We have 3 kids so he helps whenever and with whatever needs to be done but he’s a youth pastor so he only works 2 hours a week so he has more time than I do…. :)
    The PTO knows him at school better than they know me –
    He keeps up with the laundry.
    He does most of the grocery shopping.
    WOW – this list makes me sound pathetic….so I’ll stop here.
    Seriously – we just talk things out each day and see what needs to be done and work together as a team to get er done!!!
    He’s AMAZING!!!

  • Heather McNutt

    I like when he sits right next to me on the couch at night, instead of across the room. Little texts during the day just to say “Hey Babe” are always good too!

    • Heather McNutt

      Oh yeah, and with little kids at home, covering for me so I can take a nap or sleep in every once and awhile is great :)

  • Sally G

    When he gets out of the driver’s seat and lets God lead he can then focus on being the Ephesians’ 5 man….. who….
    - waits for me to catch up when we are walking somewhere
    - calls me, forgets why he calls me…..and says HEY….. whatcha doin’? or how’s your day? or What would you like me to make for dinner tonight? or I’m at the grocery…. what’s on the list? ….. when are you coming home????
    - brings ME coffee in the am when he just got off his graveyard shift.
    - takes care of our four legged family members.
    - stops using electronics when he is talking/spending time with me……
    - wow… now it sounds like it’s all about me! …
    Seriously, his little things make the big things better…….

  • Danielle

    Offer to help without being asked to!!!

  • agnes

    most of the comments are about “sharing the load” but if that’s not realistic, for whatever reason, being appreciative of everything that miraculously gets done while he’s at work (I also work) – verbal appreciation, words of encouragement – makes a big difference.

  • Helen Mills

    Kind, uplifting words of affirmation; an “I love you” sticky note left on my mirror; being engaged when I’m talking; offering to help with dinner; planning a surprise date, even if it’s a free picnic at the park or the beach.

  • http://twitter.com/mamanickles vickie yadon nickles

    My husband takes my car to the gas station for me when I’m low on gas- so thoughtful! He takes care of me and is affirming with his words, every day….at least so far….it’s only been 30 years. ;) )

  • http://twitter.com/IsThisModest Is This Modest

    Not a wife, but a wife just posted this 101 ways to show love to a wife, and that seems to have quite a few in it: http://peacefulwife.com/2012/09/21/for-husbands-the-most-amazing-list-ever-101-ways-to-love-your-wife-by-minthegap/

  • Laurabell Lyster

    He leaves me little love notes
    he cooks me breakfast on Sunday after our hike so I can shower and get dressed for church
    he puts the dishes in the dishwasher – and starts it!
    he fills my car with gas
    when he is out of town, he sends me texts through out the day to let me know he is thinking of me
    he prays for me
    he admits when he is wrong
    he cheerleads me in all my endevors
    he calls me when he is going to be late or have a change of plans (this took a while to get him to do that)
    he calls me when he is on his way home to see if he can pick up anything from the store

  • christi

    Really listen when I’m taking no matter how tired he is!

  • ssmith

    Did you say things my husband does or COULD do? :)

    Compliment me about the job I do with the kids
    Tell me I’m pretty even when I’m not dressed all fancy
    Leave little love notes
    Fill my car up with gas for me
    Send texts during the day
    Plan a surprise date
    Kiss me sweetly when he walks past me
    cuddle at night without wanting it to lead to sex
    watch a few minutes of a tv show he doesn’t like just to be with me
    drive the kids to school for me

  • Susan

    My husband is great at a lot of things – laundry (yes, really he does laundry and I let him!), he cooks amazing meals, vacuums and washes floors on Sundays while I am still at work, washes sheets and bedding weekly. If he is going to buy me flowers, he goes to the grocery store and arranges them in a vase on his own – I love this because he used to order fancy bouquets from florist. They were beautiful but I love his personal touch! He’s got a long to do list that he is always plugging away at. These are all things that he does – it’s only a small portion too! I’m blessed!

  • http://twitter.com/bergcourtney bergcourtney

    Seeing a need and meeting it. Turning off the tv/putting down the phone. Leading me spiritually. Praying for us aloud together.

  • aksnyder

    My husband is tireless in serving. He works a full time job as the assistant director of a nonprofit, and he took a weekend job to secure housing for us at a Christian camp. He works more hours than I can count, and he still finds time to take care of any chore I haven’t gotten around to. He sweeps, he cleans bathrooms, he takes care of all the spiders and the lawncare. He’s amazing.

    If I’m thinking of “smaller” things that might help your talk, I would say these things:
    1. Randomly making our bed while I’m showering/getting ready. This is normally my job, and it’s so nice to see it completed randomly!
    2. Holding the baby when he gets home from work.
    3. Consistently opens doors, carries heavy things, reaches for the stuff on the high shelves, and opens the jars! Looks out for me always!

  • Stacie

    Sounds like a great series!

    Does do:
    opens doors for me
    fixes every broken thing in the house right away
    hugs me when i am sad
    tries very hard to listen and not fix (EFFORT & intention goes a long way!)
    i love it when he reaches over and takes my hand or rubs my leg when we are driving
    my heart is full when i overhear him in the other room being an amazing dad to one of our kids
    does his own laundry (and everyone else’s)
    cooks and cleans (dishes, trash, mopping, scrubbing – he’s a MONSTER!)
    buys me jewelry for no occasion
    I love when he calls me during the day just to chat (usually it would be me doing that).
    completely supports me when i want to go out with friends, even if it inconveniences him
    makes out the deposit slip for the bank and does all the math

    Would love him to do:
    leave a love “stickie” note every now and then
    plan a surprise date (neither of us are very good at this… we are more “dinner and a movie”)
    tell me I am pretty (he’s more like “I’ve told you before… if anything changes, I’ll let you know”)
    do’t walk ahead of me… walk with me
    put relationship ahead of tasks more (he works hard on this, but it is not natural)
    notice I got my hair cut
    drive less aggressively when I am in the car