The Sucker’s Choice: is it either/or… or… both/and?

Guest Post: David Hertweck served as senior associate pastor of Trinity A/G in Clay, NY for over eleven years. He served as the lead pastor of inside-out student ministries and element young adults ministries and as a worship leader. He is an ordained Assembly of God minister. He presently serves as the District Youth Ministries and Chi Alpha Director.


Sometimes the choice to make a choice is the wrong choice.

In the insightful book, Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second EditionKerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler write about avoiding “the sucker’s choice”.

In short, “the sucker’s choice” is when we force an “EITHER…OR…” dilemma when it can be a “BOTH…AND…” opportunity. You may have heard someone say something like: “Either we can have fun OR we can have competition”. It implies that you can’t possibly find a way to have both fun AND competition. It sets up an unnecessary choice, aptly named: “the sucker’s choice”.

An example in youth ministry goes something like this: EITHER we prepare and deliver a message with non-Christian teenagers in mind OR we prepare and deliver a message with Christian teenagers in mind.

We don’t have to make that choice. I believe that there is a way to effectively preach to both audiences at the same time and with the same words. The solution is to preach the Gospel.

I remember a time in my life when I had the mindset that the Gospel message was only for those who didn’t know Christ. I thought that, in time, mature believers “graduated from the Gospel”. I was wrong.

The message of the Gospel is not something that is solely necessary at the beginning of a teenager’s faith journey; it is their faithful companion every step of the way. We never graduate from the truth of the Gospel rather we cling to it and allow it to bring about more and more change in our lives.

Repentance and faith in the message of the Gospel justifies us but it is also the Gospel, at work in us, which causes us to grow in faith, purity and maturity. While hard work and determination are a part of the Christian’s life, if they are not “in line with the Gospel” they will not sanctify, they will strangle.

The main problem, then, in the life of a Christian teenager is that they have not thought out or lived out the deep implications of the Gospel. They have restricted the work of the Gospel to the initial work of salvation (justification) and not allowed it to run rampant in their lives bringing about growth and gratitude (sanctification).

Paul makes it clear in Galatians that we are not justified by the Gospel and then sanctified apart from the Gospel through our own efforts. The Gospel is the way we grow.

1 You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Galatians 3

Human nature is clearly seen in our attempts to control the source of our salvation with works-righteousness instead of fully trusting in Christ. The Gospel reminds us that we are now hidden in Christ and because of that we are both righteous and welcomed. Apart from Him we are hopelessly lacking and desperately trying to do something about that lack. Both believers and unbelievers need to hear this message…repeatedly!

Negative emotions and sinful behavior manifest in the life of a Christian teenager because at that exact moment something or someone other than Christ and his work has become more central to their existence and they’ve elevated that thing (good or bad) to an ultimate thing. The Bible calls this idolatry.

In other words, everyone has “saving faith” in something or someone. Everyone is looking to an accomplishment, an achievement, an experience or an individual to gain approval and acceptance…to justify their existence. Non-Christians do this because they haven’t had a grace awakening but Christians do this when they forget or don’t believe the Gospel.

The Christian way to drive out lesser love (idols) is to daily center our lives on our greatest affection. Thomas Chalmers says it this way: “We know of no other way by which to keep the love of the world out of our heart than to keep in our hearts the love of God”.

We are prone to sin when we believe a lie about the nature of God. As Tim Chester writes in his book, You Can Change, we forget that God is great, glorious, good and gracious. The Gospel is the most intimate and intensive reminder of who God is and what He has done. We need to be “Gospel-fluent” with students, with our families and with ourselves!
Whether Paul was dealing with marital issues in Ephesians 5, emphasizing the importance of generosity in 1 Corinthians 8, or confronting Peter’s hypocrisy and racism in Galatians 2, he never just addressed their behavior. He didn’t verbally bully or emotionally manipulate. He didn’t guilt or scare them into change.

He repeatedly points to Christ, he preaches the Gospel. He’s essentially says to them: you are not living as if the Gospel is true! Your heart does not resemble a heart that has been both captured and freed by the life and work of Jesus. And he’s saying this to believers! In fact much of Paul’s writings can be classified as preaching the Gospel to people who already knew it.

One final reason to avoid “the sucker’s choice”: Christian teenagers need to hear you talking to non-Christian teenagers and non-Christian teenagers need to hear you talking to Christian teenagers. Why?

Christian teenagers need to hear you talking to non-Christian teenagers about the Gospel because many of them don’t know how to do the same. As you preach the Gospel in a way that engages and answers the questions and objections of the irreligious, your Christian teenagers will be learning how to do the same! Those same students will also realize that youth group is a place to bring their non-Christian friends to get their questions answered.

On the other hand, non-Christian teenagers need to hear you talking to Christian teenagers about the Gospel because they need to have a sense of the community, the values, the priorities, the passion of a Christ like people and the REASON for all of those things. The reason is the Gospel. They also need to experience growing sense that they are on the outside of something that is beautiful…namely Jesus.

In Romans 1:15, Paul writes that he is “eager to preach the Gospel” and he’s writing to Christians! Friends, there’s no need to make the “sucker’s choice”. Preach the Gospel to the lost, preach the Gospel to the found.

Question: Weigh in… what do you think? Share your thoughts here.

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  • greg stier

    YES! YES! YES!

    • David Hertweck

      Greg,
      Thanks for all you do to help youth leaders make the Gospel clear to students!

      • Gregstier

        :) I love my job! Great article!!

  • David Hertweck

    I didn’t reference him in this article but Tim Keller’s teachings/writings have been incredibly formative for my understanding of these truths.

  • Tyler Smith

    I like the both/and approach to a lot of things in ministry… for youth ministry and churches as a whole.

    But that terminology reminds me of a story I read from a book that was discussing what people’s beliefs are… It’s a conversation that goes like this:

    Eastern person: You guys believe in either/or… Either it’s Jesus or nothing. We believe in both/and… meaning there could be multiple answers for heaven.

    Western person: So you’re telling me that you guys believe in EITHER, the both/and answer, OR nothing?

    Eastern person: I see what you did there. Either/or does seem to make more sense!

    • David Hertweck

      Hey Tyler,
      Yep…sometimes there is definitely the need to make a choice. :)

  • http://twitter.com/justinadour Justin Adour

    First, I love this. It is a misunderstanding of the Gospel that leads us to determine it solely for the lost.  As someone that has been of saving faith for longer than I can remember, I never get over the continual impact that the truth of the gospel has on my life. How much more of an impact can this be on those I minister to? In fact, the majority of NT teaching that Paul gives on the Gospel is not written to the lost, rather it’s a reminder to the church.

    Second, I love the final point. That is so true! The Gospel never leaves anything unbalanced, but brings everyone to the exact same place…Christ. Great points. I need to consider this further with our group. 

    Great article! I’m going to go through it again and I’m definitely passing this on. 

    • David Hertweck

      “the continual impact that the truth of the gospel has on my life”…amen Justin…I’m learning how to day in and day out speak the gospel to myself and speak the gospel to my family, my daughters, my neighbors, etc….

  • http://twitter.com/BrandonScholes Brandon Scholes

    I would have to say that within the last eight months my view and heart have been radically changed when it comes to the gospel. As David has shared with me about this topic quite often, one thing that has stuck with me is his saying, “Once you think you have a grasp of the gospel, that is probably when you’re the farthest away from it.” How true this is, especially within my own ministry.
    Learning and putting this article into affect in my preaching has really changed the dynamics of my group. No longer do I have my “veteran” students sitting there bored well I talk about the redemption of the cross and no longer do I have new students totally lost while I get into the meat of subjects. Becoming Gospel fluent has one, confirmed the Gospel in my heart completely and two, has made my preaching clear and effective to my students.
    Jesus is the bread of life. Through Him, we will hunger and thirst no more. We need to be able to communicate that to students wherever they are with their walk because when comes down to it, we need our hearts captured by Jesus.

    • David Hertweck

      Hey Bubba,
      Love your explanation of how this has impacted your preaching and your students. “Hearts captured by Jesus”…amen and amen!