kids

I blinked… my “baby” is grown up–3 intentional parenting steps

Today my “baby” turns 18.

Yikes!

I knew it would happen… I watched age 18 arrive with my older two kids, but this one “feels” different. Possibly because she’s the youngest. Maybe because I turned 50 a few days ago and that’s messing with me. Or, maybe it’s because Cathy and I are only 8 months away from being “empty-nesters” and our baby will be going away to college.

Regardless, Cassie’s birthday has got me thinking about how much I have loved being a dad.

Last night I was at Dennys with two of my dear friends who are 10-12 years younger than me and are dads with small children. They are really good dads and very intentional about their choices with ministry and home-life (both are youth pastors). We talked a little about parenting and I gave them 3 tips (unsolicited of course).

1. Don’t blink… it goes by very fast. Regardless of what you think, your kids grow up very quickly.

therefore,

2. Capture memories! Photograph, video, and write letters… the more the better. With each birthday and holiday, use it as an opportunity to write your kids a letter. Pour on the love… even if they can’t read it or understand it. These letters will become eventual treasures. Many of the younger years are forgotten–photos, videos and letters help retain and capture the best of memories.

3. Put your family before your job (even if you’re in ministry… actually, especially if you’re in ministry). Not before Jesus, but definitely before your job. Here’s a little harsh reality: anyone can do your job! Actually, one of the guys I was with last night has the job I held for 18 years and he’s doing a better job than I ever did. And, there’s someone out there who will eventually replace him too. But, no one can replace him as a parent. No one can love his kids like he’s designed to love them.

Time… Memories… Priorities.

I would challenge any parent to become a master of those 3 biggies and, if you do, chances are good that your children will someday thank you. A few days ago on my 50th birthday I received incredible letters from my kids (ages 24, 21 & 18) as well as a time where they breathed life into me with a verbal affirmation at my birthday dinner. It was rich! As a dad, I know I didn’t do everything right… actually, I made a lot of mistakes… but, I fought for those 3 biggies (time, memories & priorities) and now I feel like Cathy and I are in a season where we’re reaping the benefits of being intentional parents.

Those 6,570 days flew by… and now my 18 year old “baby” is an amazing young woman. I’m so grateful.

Happy birthday Cassie… you’re the best!

Question: what are you doing to be an intentional parent? Share your ideas here.

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RAISING KIDS IN MINISTRY: surround them with others

Because we’ve been in ministry for almost 30 years and married 25+ years, Cathy and I get asked a lot of family-type questions from those in ministry who are younger (and in the “youth ministry world” most are younger). We’re thrilled that we can help anyone and definitely enjoy the discussions and the sense that we are actually helping ministry families.

The past few weeks Cathy and I have been talking about the workshops that she’ll be doing at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference (this weekend in Chicago) and we’ve been giving the family/kid/marriage message a lot of thought. One of the questions we often get asked is if there is any “secret sauce” that we gave our kids. We have amazing kids (22, 19, 16 years old) who, up to this point, have made good life choices with family, friends, faith, etc… They love Jesus, the church, people, and one-another. They live life with a lot of fun and relational joy. I’ll stop there, because I could go on and on! But, the point is, people who know our kids want to know what “we did.”

While there were several intentional parenting actions we took, we give a ton of credit to the youth ministry community that surrounded our kids as they grew up. It’s not easy being a pastor’s kid in a high profile church, but our kids navigated the waters well because of the people who were in our boat.

Cathy and I chose to open our home a lot and we were constantly entertaining other youth workers, volunteers, interns and teenagers. From birth until now, our kids got close and personal to so many incredible people who helped shape who they are today.

When Torie (our oldest) was little, she wanted to be like Sarah (a high school girl with a fun & caring personality). Eddie James is one of the infamous Skitguys, but to my son Cody, he’s “the Eddie I love” (which he called him when he was 3 years old). Cassie (our youngest) could carry on conversations with adults before she could ride a bike. They each benefited by other people loving-on them. Each of them could make a list of 20+ men/women who have loved them and modeled life to them. As far back as they can remember they’ve been surrounded by people who love them (and still are)!

One of the perks of raising kids in ministry is being around great people. And for the Fields’ family this was definitely one “secret sauce” that we would encourage anyone in ministry to try.

What about you? Are your kids surrounded by people who are fun, affirming, passionate, and followers of Jesus? It’s not easy being a ministry-kid, but there are some perks that are life-giving.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts!