discouragement

I struck out…in slow pitch (perspective)

December 21, 2012 by doug 4 Comments

A few years ago, I played on a church softball team that ended up winning the league championship. But in the final game—the biggest game of the season—I struck out. Struck out! In softball! I’ve played against senior citizens and legally blind people who didn’t strike out. (There’s an unwritten rule that if you’re good enough to be on a team, you should never strike out in slow pitch softball.)

Do you think I was discouraged? Absolutely! But we won the game and the championship! The discouragement of striking out was nothing compared to the joy of winning the championship. I got my three-inch-high plastic trophy and was voted Most-Likely-to-Improve (or not be asked back).

If I’m honest, most of the discouragement in my life is about me. It’s about my unrealized dreams and expectations. It happens when my needs are not getting met. I’m not getting my way. Someone is hurting me. That opportunity should have been mine, not his. Hearing any common words? Me. Mine. My. And everyone knows that being self-focused causes myopia.

To limit my discouragement, I’m learning (too slowly) to move from a perspective that says, “It’s all about me” to one that realizes, “It’s all about Jesus.” When I fix my eyes on Jesus, it causes me to think about the bigger picture—it’s about kingdom living now with eternity on the radar. Perspective is remembering “Christ in me…the hope of glory”… “Immanuel–God with us”… Jesus is her, now. That perspective is a game-changer… or, life-changerr! Discouraging stuff—like striking out in a big game—seems so insignificant with that perspective.

With that perspective, the overwhelming clutter in my life isn’t that overwhelming. With that perspective, the arguments in the backseat are noises of opportunity. With that perspective, the people I let down or who let me down… those are just windows for God’s grace to shine. When my focus is Jesus, discouragement loses its power!

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” Hebrews 12:2 (NLT)

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Filed Under: Faith, Personal, posts Tagged With: discourage, discouragement, expectations, faith, Hebrews 12:2, perspective

When I want to quit

June 8, 2012 by doug 25 Comments

It was 3 years ago this week that I resigned from my youth ministry position that I held for 18 years (the one before this was 11 years). I know what it’s like to want to quit. I wanted to quit 100′s of times during that 18 years (half of those 100′s came directly following a youth group activity).

Because I speak to a lot of ministry leaders, I feel like there’s more defeat and discouragement “out there” (in ministry-land) than I’ve heard in many years. Ministry is always difficult, plus this is a difficult economy which adds fuel to everyone’s feelings, emotions, actions, non-actions, etc…

My dear friend and ministry compadre Matt McGill wrote a blog this week about What to do on days when you feel like quitting. He wrote:

Don’t. At least not until you’re REALLY sure of your decision.

Show up. You can’t give up just because you feel like quitting. Going through the motions could restore some of the passion that you’ve lost.

Change it up. You need to show up, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through ALL the motions.

Laugh. Do what ever it takes to find a little fun. You may be on the titanic and its sinking fast, but better to eek out some joy rather than soak in the despair of it all.

Talk about it. Get with a friend–probably not anyone above you in the “food chain” at your church. You may be friends with your boss, but some issues need to be worked out with others.

Seek God. I believe God wants to teach us something every day…even on days when we want to quit. God may be moving in new ways in your life, and feeling like it’s time to quit may be a part of this. Discover the root causes of your thoughts and feelings. Sure, everything is piling up and it feels overwhelming, but what’s behind the superficial issues?

Determine if and where change is needed. When your life is a garbage pit, there are only two things that can change: your situation or your attitude. Most of the time, we need to change our hearts…this is the process where we become more like Jesus.

I love Matt’s advice! I’d add a few additional thoughts:

1. Get to the bottom of the discouragement: Work hard to discover the truth behind the hurt. You may find very quickly that it’s not about “them”… rather, it’s you. Your pride. Your fear. Your deep insecurities. And, that’s okay! Awareness leads to healing. I just hate to see people make big decisions and quit without facing the truth.

2. Take some time away: Don’t curl up and watch Oprah re-runs and eat yourself into a sugar-coma. Instead, get away for a couple days. Steer clear of email that could trigger you. Stay off your phone. Grab a journal, a book or two, a Bible…get away. Think, rest your weary heart and busy pace, go quiet, introspective… basically, get away from the situation for a short period of time to get perspective.

3. Make a list of VRT’s: These are “Very Refreshing Things”. They may be people, places, hobbies, activities…whatever refreshes you. Make that list. Keep writing. Try to get to 30 ideas. Some will take more time than others, but see if you can’t infuse one idea a day into your ministry schedule.

Neither Matt nor I have a secret bullet for “what do do when you want to quit” but both of us can relate. So, know that you’re not alone. Know that not everyone understands ministry (especially if you’re in youth ministry). Who knows, maybe it is time to quit… but, it’s probably not. Hang in there.

Question: what else would you add to the list? Share it here.

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Filed Under: Leadership, Ministry (general), posts, youth ministry Tagged With: discouragement, friendship, journal, Matt McGill, quit, quitting, reflect, resign, solo time

The Discouraged have Spoken…and they are you!

May 12, 2011 by doug 6 Comments

Last week I had a couple posts where I revealed some of the things that discourage me and then a second post on ways I’ve tried to deal with discouragement. I got a huge number of responses of people chiming in with what discourages them. I thought I’d share this list with you in the hopes that it would make you feel like you’re not alone. Ministry can be discouraging, and our friends express it in this list:

Resistant students (Jana)

When adult and student leaders have a moral failure (Tyler)

Being told how to your job by many different people (Jerry)

Gossip (Jimmy)

When a student you’ve been working closely with knows God’s ways and continually rejects them (Derek)

When a student was really hurting and needed help but I missed seeing it (Zach)

When I do not do what I have set out to do, or I am unreliable, or I am flaky (Ali)

My biggest discouragement often came from emails with sharp, unjust criticism (Rachel)

Discouragement seems to go hand-in-hand with feelings of isolation (Seth)

Our building program, it creates stress and an added burden (Matt)

Lack of significant friendships (Justin)

Parents in my Church letting there kids attend another youth ministry regularly, and when parents make sure their kids are at every practice/rehearsal for hours, then complain a 30 minute bible study is too long (Layne)

Exuberant high school student leading in great ways on Sunday, and then seeing that same student cussing or belittling another student on Facebook Monday (Maryann)

People (staff or volunteers) serving outside of their giftedness and they don’t realize it. (David)

The comparison game, whether it is to to church down the street or the “glorious” former youth pastor (Brandon)

Over-functioning volunteers, parents, and staff (Austin)

Trying to meet everyone’s definition of success (James)

Feeling isolated from people our own age (Dusty)

When people leave the church…for good reasons (Joseph)

Lack of respect and sleep deprivation because of a new baby (Sean)

When a youth pastor reluctantly leads the ministry–no passion, no enthusiasm, just “going through the motions” (Matt)

When parents or students have a problem, complaint, or issue with me or the ministry and don’t come talk to me about it, and i just hear about it (Amykay)

By my failures (Klint)

Almost immediately after I’ve finished speaking a message and feel like I could have done better (Josh)

I get discouraged when home-school parents don’t allow their kids to attend youth group for a variety of reasons (James)

When you seem to struggle over the same thing again and again and people don’t seem to recognize the pain in your failures (Josh)

Undefined Expectations (Stephen)

The relationship with the Pastor and the feeling of being thrown under the bus (David)

You’re not alone. Hang-in there. If needed, go back and revisit the list of ways to battle discouragement. I’m praying that this post is an encouragement to someone today. Is there something that’s not on either list that you want to add?