affirmation

10 ways to be a great team-player, part 3

May 2, 2013 by doug 1 Comment

6. “I’ve got your back!” A team player is someone who is willing to confront those who take verbal shots at the primary leader (the person in charge). I know students and other adults will occasionally talk negatively behind my back. But a committed volunteer, someone who is a team player, won’t listen to that verbal abuse. They’ll confront the person or they’ll walk away if they need to. You want to be a team leader? Support your leader.

7. Regular affirmation. Whether the primary leader hits a home run or strikes out, they need affirmation (especially when they’ve struggled). When you affirm others on your team, you’re a valuable team player.

8. Take initiative. Teamwork is about taking ownership and jumping in when needs arise. Don’t wait to be asked in order to serve. Any volunteer who takes initiative on my team is a blessed leader in our ministry.

9. Learn some new skills. Become a student. A team player will seek to learn and develop new skills that will make them more valuable and the team stronger.

10. Don’t compare yourself to other volunteers. You don’t have to be like others on your team. That’s one of the keys of a good team—variety. God loves variety, and he uses variety in His body to do great things. Allow God to strengthen the person He’s created you to be and don’t worry about being like someone else.

The Message paraphrase says, “A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. A body is all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together.” (1 Corinthians 12)

Teamwork isn’t easy. It’s not easy on the sport’s field, and it’s not easy in the church. It takes work on everyone’s part to create a healthy youth ministry. God will get the glory for the living example of love your youth ministry team becomes.

Question: what’s missing from this list of 10 actions of a team-player? What do you want your team to express as part of your team. Share your thoughts here.

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Filed Under: Leadership, Ministry (general), posts, youth ministry Tagged With: affirmation, comparison, confrontation, encouragment, initiate, support, team work

Leading volunteers… the art of keeping them!

January 23, 2013 by doug 8 Comments

My dentist has a plaque on his wall that reads, “You don’t have to floss all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep!” I hate flossing… but, I get the point.

There’s a similar principle in leading volunteers, “You don’t have to encourage/affirm all your volunteers, just the ones you want to keep!”

Most leaders understand how vital the principle of affirmation is when leading volunteers. Good leaders already know this!

Volunteers are not serving for the money (duh, that’s why they’re called “volunteers”)… they have their own reasons for why they volunteer their time (I believe the two biggest reasons is because they either feel called, or someone asked them–but that’s for another post at another time), they have their own inner-motivation that connects to their “why”… but, a good leader can add to a volunteer’s longevity by delivering some timely encouragement.

Beyond your own delivery of encouragement, I would encourage you to use (what I’ve termed) “outside” encouragement. This is specific encouragement that comes from outside of you–as the primary leader. You facilitate it, others deploy it.

Think about it, if I encourage you weekly… chances are you’ll be thankful (“Wow, Doug sure is nice to me! Always encouraging.). But, after several months of this encouragement, it can begin to lose some of it’s power. But, what if I ask a parent to encourage you? Now, there’s a new voice, different words, unique tone, and a different motive. That new “outside” encouragement can become very meaningful.

My wife is a volunteer leader of small group of (junior) girls. She was given the attached note. Simple. Thoughtful. And, definitely powerful. Some of the other girls gave her Starbucks cards for Christmas, small gifts, etc… but, it was the note that was the most meaningful. She feels valued by the youth pastor, but this note because valuable. Facilitating this type of leadership is not only easy, it’s powerful!

As a leader, you hold the power to keep your volunteers affirmed. In addition to your encouragement (I’m assuming you do that already), you can direct “outside” encouragement by asking students, parents… even your senior pastor to write an occasional note of appreciation. The power of well placed words can go a long way.

Question: What other simple, practical ways do you use to encourage your volunteers? Share them here.

[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.

Filed Under: Leadership, posts, Relationships, youth ministry Tagged With: affirmation, developing leaders, encouragement, intentional actions, volunteers, youth ministry

10 actions that children learn from their parents’ marriage

December 5, 2012 by doug 6 Comments

[In a week where we're focusing on Marriage and promoting our "Refreshing Your Marriage" Conference, I thought I'd re-post my most popular post (which has blown-up thanks to Pinterest). Another marriage post that has recently gotten a lot of traction is, "Size Matters...25 ways to go small in marriage"]

When I speak on marriage, I’m always asked if I intentionally taught my kids about marriage.

The answer is yes… and, no.

Yes, there are times when we’ve talked specifically about marriage (either ours or ones that our kids have observed). But, for the most part, Cathy and I have been wise enough to know that our kids are constantly watching and learning from us without us having to do a lot of talking. Our actions (both good and bad) are always teaching them about marriage.

I would be thrilled if my kids had a similar type of marriage that Cathy and I share… it’s definitely not perfect, but we’re both very proud of what we’ve developed over 27+ years.

Here are 10 actions that I know my kids have observed from us over the year:

1. Affection: Cathy & I are very affectionate and I like having my kids see me holding their mom’s hand, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc… as often as I can.

2. Saying “I’m sorry”: I want to be quick to use this phrase and I want my kids to hear me say it (and I have to say it a lot more than Cathy).

3. Affirmation: this is my primary love language so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. My kids get a lot of verbal affirmation, but they also hear me directing it toward my wife (which is really easy).

4. Attraction: I think Cathy is hot… and, I make it known around our family. I’ll regularly say, “Isn’t your mom beautiful?”

5. Time: our kids know that we like to spend time together. When they see us steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go in the hot tub, or go on a date night, or sneak away for the weekend…that’s a good message I want them to see.

6. Laughter: we laugh a lot in our house and my wife’s cute sense of humor cracks me up. I like having my kids see that my wife makes me laugh.

7. Respect: opening the door for Cathy, saying “thank you” and “please” and showing her simple signs of respect.

8. Faith conversations: we’re not always praying in front of our kids, but they hear and see our faith conversations and know that we’re always talking about Jesus and what it means to be a follower.

9. The value of friends: our house is well worn from the traffic of friends in/out of our house. We love having people over and the Fields’ house is a regular hangout for some incredible friends.

10. Servanthood: I know my kids have had a better example in Cathy than with me because she’s the ultimate servant. Always asking, “How can I help? What do you need to make life better?” Serving one another is seen in the daily, little things and there’s many opportunities to serve.

Kids are always watching their parent’s marriage and yet too many marriages underestimate the power of modeling! Children are taking daily recordings of what a marriage looks like and those recordings are definitely influencing and shaping their view of marriage.
Question: Do you have intentional actions that you’re modeling to your kids? Do you have some actions that are different from the ones I’ve listed? If so, share them here.

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