I have no regrets when I listen!


Like most, I have some significant regrets in my life!

I have several verbal regrets. I’ve said things to people I wish I could take back. Misguided words that have stung and wounded others… and I feel terrible about those moments that I can’t take back.

But I have no regrets in my life over listening!

I’ve never thought, “Why did I pay such good attention to that person? Why was I so patient and empathetic in showing them respect?”

Why? Because listening does not lead to regret!

Are you a world-class listener or are you normally doing all the talking?

Maybe you’re like me and need a little self-assessment that can be assisted by asking a spouse or friend: “Am I better listener or talker? Do I have a problem with that?”

* If you interrupt the person before they answer, you may have a problem with listening.
* If you don’t allow people to finish their sentence… that may help you answer the question.
* If you’re forming a sentence and response while the other person is talking, you need a little help.

The goal here is not to jump into the game Outburst while others are talking. The goal is to listen.

If you have a pattern of talking too much and not listening you are violating intimacy, community and depth of relationship. That needs to be fixed.

If that’s you, why do you talk so much? What’s behind all the words that violate the power of listening?

Listening is the language of love. Listening creates value. Listening is a skill to learn. A craft to master. A gift to give. A way to draw close and minister to others.

No regrets.

Question: Why is “listening” so attractive? How does it make you feel? Share your thoughts here.


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  • john

    Your thoughts are SO true.  “Listening creates value” – when we listen to students, we show that we value them.  They have so much to share if we just give them the chance.  I can learn so much from teens by listening to them.

    • Doug Fields

      You learn so much…and they feel valued AND learn how to listen. 

  • http://twitter.com/finding_jeremy Jeremy Bloom

    I am actually dealing with the same thing and blogged about it just a couple of days ago.  Thanks for sharing and reminding me that I will never feel bad about listening.  I loved your points about what listening adds!  Great post.

    • Doug Fields

      what’s your blog? I’d like to read your post.

  • http://twitter.com/PhilBell Phil Bell

    Doug! What a valuable post for all of us in ministry! There is no regret in over listening! Thanks for the wisdom in this! Often we over talk in order to seem like we are good leaders, but I actually think we gain more respect and influence when people see us as good listeners… I really need to work on this! Thank you my friend for reminding me today! 

    • Doug Fields

      Thanks bud…good insight tying it into leadership too. I want to think more deeply about that.

  • Michelle

    Listening is attractive because it is the action of accepting as well as loving.