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I WISH THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOLS’ COMPLAINT

April 1, 2011 By 73 Comments

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In the old days of ministry, if someone wanted to complain they would have to work a little harder than they do in today’s world. The ease of email gives a critical spirit an immediate outlet. I HATE getting emails like the one below, but they arrive all the time because email doesn’t allow a filter.


This specific email was sent to a youth pastor friend after an amazing weekend of ministry. He had a great service project on Saturday that was life-changing, and on Sunday Sunday morning his attendance doubled. His plan was to celebrate the weekend with a family BBQ. He bought enough food for all the regular attending teenagers and their families (plus a little extra). Praise God that a bunch of new people showed up and they ran out of food. Bummer. But, it’s not that big of a deal…to most. Here is the exact email my buddy received (I’ve edited names/locations to protect my friend). Unfortunately, this is not a joke.

Kyle,

My son, Andrew, is a sophomore in high school at Union Junction and very much enjoys the high school program at church (particularly his small group). I also have two younger sons in the 7th and 8th grades who also enjoy the junior high ministry.

This past Sunday I attended the 11 a.m. service and proceeded over to the BBQ hosted by the student ministry after the service was over. When I got there, we all got in line and were disappointed to learn that there was no more food available; others had the same experience. Many of us left without eating and did not stay to fellowship with others. We were very displeased.

Suggestion: When you invite students and families to a BBQ, please have enough food for everyone.

Thank you.

Don

Did Don (a lawyer) really need to write this letter? Did he think my friend didn’t realize that when you invite people over for a meal that you should have food for them? Am I over-reacting because I’m so tired of this type of easy-access/critical spirit directed to leaders?

How would you respond to this email? I’ll give prizes to the 2 best responses (best response & funniest response). I’ll announce the winner on Monday morning in this comment section.

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Filed Under: Leadership, Ministry (general), posts, youth ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,
  • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

    Next time I’ll try to have more food if you’ll try to have a bigger brain & a smaller mouth.
    (not really – but sometimes it’s cathartic to think it for 5 seconds!)

    • David Perez

      Even this reply smells good.

      • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

        <> I don’t smell anything….

  • Selina

    I would reply that God had blessed us with a multitude of new people/visitors/whatever and that I was sorry his family didn’t get food.
    To tell you the truth, this is nothing. In my 3 and a half years as Youth Coordinator, I received many ‘nasty-grams’ that attacked me, my decisions, my CHILDREN, ect.. There were confrontations that left me speechless – they were so ugly.
    This guy just needs to be reminded of the big picture, gently. We all do from time to time. No biggie.

  • Yi

    Tell him that’s why we all need Jesus! Only He can feed unlimited numbers of people with limited amounts of food!

    • Jackie

      Love it. Tell him to bring his own lunch and we’ll all just share :)

  • http://www.DaveLibbon.com Dave

    I’d put a bunch of sloppy BBQ in an envelope and hand deliver it to his mailbox.

  • http://Lockerroomoflife.blogspot.com Phillip

    Here you go….

    Don,

    Wow. So Sorry about the experience you guys had on Sunday. We were surprised at the turn out and failed to make proper arrangements. I apologize and hope you’ll understand the position we were in. Our budget is limited so we attempted to make an accurate estimation so we did not needlessly waste food and resources. As I said, we underestimated the turnout. Our staff is aware of the disappointment felt by many in your situation and we are brainstorming to find a better way to make these events happen. Any ideas you might have would be welcome.

    On the other side of this though, I wonder what this shows us about our world and our response as Christians charged with serving this world by sharing the Gospel. I’m a Youth Pastor who attempt to see a spiritual lesson where ever I can. I wonder how many times lost people walk away from our churches and events disappointed because they were promised “food and fellowship” and were neither fed or loved. Do we, at times, rob the Gospel of Jesus Christ of it’s power by dressing it up too much or (worse) only doing what we feel WE can without relying on the Spirit to move through a simple presentation of the Gospel. Are there lost people who came into our congregation on Sunday and left as spiritually hungry and disappointed as you did physically? I understand your frustration and I hope when all is said and done we concentrate on “having enough food” for everyone both physically and spiritually.

    Again, I apologize for your experience and welcome any specific ideas you would have about the best ways to avoid similar problems at future events.

  • http://LifepointYouth.org Jeremy

    Dear Don,

    My son was a member of the human race for 33 years , I also have almost 7 Billion adopted children to call my own, as well. We know how it feels to be frustrated with a church.
    This past Sunday, I also attended the 11AM service with you and your family. There were numerous times I tried to get your attention, but you kept on ignoring me. I tried to speak through the message the Pastor gave about not judging, but you were too busy looking at your day-planner. When the Pastor spoke about giving to missions, you were trying to balance your check book. Finally, when the church prayed about trusting me; you wanted to rush home to watch the basketball games on TV.

    You see Don, I didn’t come to just give bread; I came to be the bread. I have to take a lot of bread out of the hands of a lot of people before they learn to trust me as THE bread. I truly do apologize that you couldn’t crown king stomach last Sunday, but we have more issues to work on than just your desire to eat sloppy joes. Perhaps we should celebrate that there were so many people there to support the youth ministry that we actually ran out of food! How awesome is that! Did it require food to stay and fellowship? Not at all, it required obeying the spirit.

    I promise, Don, I’ll continue to communicate using unconventional methods until you decide to respond to my word. I do hope that soon you realize that THIS BREAD never runs out..there’s always enough.

    Hopefully Yours,

    God

    • a human

      love it! my favorite

  • david

    Don

    Andrew is a great kid, you should be very proud of his leadership in reaching out to the alien among us. I look forward to many great years of growing in Christ alongside your family. Also, thank you for sharing your pain from this past weekend. I realize it can be tough for the Body of Christ to have full fellowship when new and unexpected guest arrive, but thanks be to God for the opportunity to meet and serve new people. I am sorry on many levels that I failed you and others in not preparing enough food. I have excuses, but they are only excuses and I am truly sorry. I hope to take this as a learning experience and know that the next time we have a BBQ it will be perfect. Please don’t judge our planning team’s future on this past mistake I made. For your trouble, I hope that you will accept my invitation to skip the donation bucket and enjoy the meal with others.

    As I take your suggestion under advisement I would also ask if you and your wife Kelly would like to be on our planning team for the next BBQ, May 15. We are excited to be planning this day to follow up our church’s community garden project. And with so many of us busy with this undertaking we could certainly use the help in welcoming again the many new persons we intend to meet. Just let me know soon if you can help as we are excitedly already at work to make the next BBQ a mind blowing experience for all to participate in.

    grace + peace,
    Kyle

    • Katie W

      LIKE! My response would not have been as nice but I agree with the put them on the food comittee part!

  • Chris

    I would have punched him in the face. Haha jk I would have tried to meet up with him and just have a conversation about it. Usually as we know when someone complains there is a reason behind it.

  • http://www.oasischurch.org Josh Galletta

    Hello Don

    Thank you for your wonderful letter, I feel your excitement. Im on it for next time.

    P.S.
    You and your family were part of a miracle that just happened as you arrived. A miracle of multiplying people! Unfortunately the miracle of multiplying food kinda slipped under the radar.

    • http://seansilverii@posterous.com Sean Silverii

      Awesome….simple, clear, and to the point!

  • http://www.joerob.com Joseph

    For real response:

    Don – I’m so sorry that you and your family missed out on food last Sunday. It was so exciting and unexpected that we had that many new people show up in response to our service project on Saturday. God definitely worked in our community this weekend, and I’m glad that your son was able to be a part of it! Next time we will do everything we can to make sure that everyone gets some food. Thanks again for letting your kids be a part of our ministry!

    Response we’d all like to send, but hopefully never would:

    Don – I love that your kids are enjoying our programs and small groups. The fact that they are plugged in and growing means that they are learning that life is not all about them, but about serving and loving God and others. Suggestion: Be less selfish, like your kids are learning to be.

  • Dale Friesen

    Hey Don, could we meet over lunch (my treat) and talk about this?

  • kyle

    Dear Don,
    “F” you.

    come on….that’s what we are all thinking!!!!

  • Andy

    Hey Don,

    My bad man! I’ve gotten A LOT of emails from similar parents who love the ministriy, their kids love the ministry, their children have accepted Jesus and won’t burn in hell but, like you, missed out on the free meal. I get it! I haven’t eaten anything except Sweedish fish and used coffee grounds since I started at the church!

    Here’s the deal, I totally underestimated how much meat is actually on a cat when we were prepping up the BBQ. They’re actually pretty skinny animals. All the fur is decieving..anyway, I’m thinking next time we’ll have to get 10 – 20 more to feed everyone. I got a proposal into the elders to start up kitty-ministries so I can almost guarentee it won’t happen again!

    Thanks for the kind words!

    Andy

    “Man does not live on bread alone” ~ Jesus

    • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

      winning!

    • http://joshpezold.com Josh Pezold

      can’t stop laughing. winner

  • Melissa

    Dear Don,

    I understand that must have sucked…but that crazy part is that I didn’t have one single parent offer to run out and get more food for us. Can you believe that?

    Kyle

    • http://www.theaddyouthpastor.com Andy Lawrenson

      Excellent!

  • http://www.uscerock.com Eric

    Dear Don,

    Sorry I was absent the day in Seminary for the class on where Jesus fed the 5,000…

  • Lorie

    My initial response would be “bite me”.. LOL

  • Jason

    Don,

    What BBQ? …can’t believe I missed it… maybe next time…

  • http://www.drewpeterson2.wordpress.com Drew Peterson

    Don,

    It seems that this “bringing enough food for everybody to a BBQ” thing is something that slipped my mind. I had no idea that the whole point of a BBQ was to feed people!! Thanks so much for the input.

    And, since you seem to know everything, why didn’t you just multiply little food that we had like Jesus did with the 5,000? That would have taken care of the issue.

    Just a thought.

    Kyle

  • http://www.ymtheology.com John

    My response:

    Dear sir, I thought I should let you know as a courtesy that someone has stolen your email login information and has used it to send some rude comments to me. What is worse is they even signed your name at the end. If I can be of service in helping you track down this person please let me know.

    Yours truly

    • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

      Hahaha! YES!!

  • Jesse Fullen

    Don,
    Sorry about your experience this past weekend. I’ve received other emails from parents saying their children have been sick since eating at the BBQ. Martha offered to help cook (she’s 86…sweet…but you can’t tell her no.) . It looks like Martha left the hamburgers out too long and they turned. Luckily, we only purchased food for forty people (10 more than we were expecting). So, I’m sorry that you and your son missed out on thhe BBQ…but I’m really glad you guys didn’t get food poisoning like the rest of us. Have a nice week, and I’ll see you guys on Sunday.

    Kyle

  • http://www.nobusiness.org Jeremiah Isley

    Don,

    Thank you for taking the time to craft such an informative and helpful letter and send it directly to me. The fact that you have kept this scandalous situation under your hat without spreading rumors and discord throughout the congregation about myself and the youth ministry means more than words can ever express. My mother always told me I should never bring to light others inadequacies unless you have a solution, and you’ve cleared outlined the symptoms and a solution to this situation. You’re not just a squeaky wheel, you’re a cog that drives the well oiled machine of ministry. And so from the bottom of my heart I thank you.

    Many blessings upon you and your household,

    Jeremiah

    • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

      Sarcasm must be your spiritual gift! Love it!

      • http://www.nobusiness.org Jeremiah Isley

        I’m not sure I’ll go as far as calling it a spiritual gift, but I will go as far as to say it’s in my genetic code! Haha! Thanks!

  • Greg

    Dear Don,

    Apparently you attended to the wrong part of the BBQ, the nursery was over by the playground… I believe this information may have helped you, sorry it wasn’t clear to begin with.

  • http://bit.ly/hWr7Cw Rob

    Don, when it comes to BBQ, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there!

  • Tony Roos

    Dear Don,

    I am sorry you missed out on the BBQ it was mouth watering delicious. I mean I had five helpings before you arrived, it was sooooooooooooooo good. And the extra pan I stashed away in my office for today’s lunch is smelling great also…….Sorry had to go have a bite I’m back now and stuffed. What were we talking about? Oh Yeah the delicious BBQ. You snooze you lose. Sucka
    -
    Kyle

    or

    Don,

    Thanks for you bringing this to my attention. It was truly disappointing that we didn’t have enough food for everyone. Like you, my family and leaders did not get to enjoy the meal either. We were totally over-whelmed with new families. There were double the number of students and families then we had the week before. Can you believe how God is moving? Our next family BBQ is planned for (actual date or when hell freezes over) would you like to help us plan the event?
    Truly sorry.
    -Kyle

    or

    I am sorry to inform you that Kyle no longer works for the XYZ Church. His job performance was not up to the standards of the quality that XYZ demands. While the Kyle was bringing families and students to the church we can not overlook that he did not have enough food at the BBQ.
    _
    Lead Pastor XYZ church.

  • Lil

    Don,
    We were planning on Jesus multiplying the food like he did when the little boy brought him some bread and fish in John 6. He didn’t do that for us so I’d advice you take it up with Jesus, not us.

    Thanks so much!

  • http://www.matchlesscast.com steve

    Hey Don,

    I’m so sorry you were displeased with things Sunday. We were all suprised and blessed by the turnout.

    I wish you would have come and spoken to me because we sent someone to get extra food. In the end everyone got fed and had a great time. The extra food would have been there sooner but we couldn’t find anyone who wasn’t already serving during the service to leave early and get the extra we realized we would need when we saw all the new families. I will keep you in mkmd next time. Thanks.

    P.S. if ever you see a need step up and try to help meet it.

  • Mike

    I think the dad should’ve had more faith and prayed that the food would have been multiplied. Imagine what Jesus could’ve done with all the hot dogs and hamburgers that were there if only someone was willing to ask…

  • Mike

    Don,

    I’m sorry the food was gone by the time you got there… but I’m honestly blown away and thankful that it was! The food was gone because God opened up the floodgates and WAY more people came out than were expected even though we bought extra food, anticipating that we could get more people than usual. I’m glad that your kids love the ministries here, we really have some great leaders pouring themselves into students. One of the greatest things is watching God change students’ lives, and that’s what happened this weekend which led to the huge mass of people at the BBQ, please be praying that our leadership team would know how best to minister to these new students and families.

    If you’d like to help plan and serve at next year’s BBQ please let me know.

    in Christ,
    Kyle

  • Brian

    Don,

    We will be sure to give you and the others a full refund.

    Kyle

  • http://www.oursaviors.com Jon Belschwinder

    Dear Don,

    I am so sorry to hear about the experience you had at the BBQ. Apparently you didn’t get the memo that parents were being called to a time of fasting and prayer upstairs in the sanctuary for the BBQ.

    Jon

    • http://www.campcourageusa.com Ronnie Hayes

      That is good!

  • http://livelearnlead.net/ Todd Szymczak

    There was a time not too long ago when an email like this would have paralyzed me for days, even weeks. I would think, “After all I did, and there is still complaints!?!?”

    At least a response to Don would simply apologize, and ask for his help to have my back the next time we run out of food. But I would push for something bigger. This would be one of the leaders for my next mission trip. Don needs to see how many people have been waiting in line for years for food, and no email from me is going to help him understand that. I would simply walk with him as his heart breaks for the things that break the heart of God.

    • http://adifferentworldview.blogspot.com Jon

      This is so true. I’m right in the middle of learning how to not be paralyzed by these types of comments. Great thoughts.

  • Thomas

    Dear Don,
    I first want to say that I am sorry that you and others were unable to eat. I can assure you that our team spent much time in preparation for this meal. I hope that you understand the amount to time and effort that goes into planing an event like this and sometime we can not foresee how it will actually play out. Rather than planing for 1000 and we decided that being a good stewart with the money we have been entrusted with was a better decision. We felt that we had enough food for the number of people coming. I truly hope that you understand that this event was an attempt to minister to your family and others. I truly hate that we missed the mark this time. By the way; I am so grateful to hear that your son feels at home in our ministry. I hope that it’s a testament to the impact we are having. God Bless!

  • http://www.theaddyouthpastor.com Andy Lawrenson

    Dear Don,

    On April 17 we are having a follow up BBQ dinner for those who missed out because we were so blessed to have double the usual number of people. Not only am I inviting you to attend I have put you in charge. The budget is $500 and we usually feed 100 people but you never know when that number might double. I hope you estimate the right amount of food.

    I have already sent an e-mail to the other parents letting them know you are in charge of this special event and they can contact you to volunteer to help. If you have any questions don’t contact me. Figure it out yourself and lets see what you can do.

    Thanks!

    Andy

    PS We are so glad your kids are involved in the youth ministry here. I’m sure they are blessed to have a father like you who is discipling them and teaching them to be more Christ-like. Thanks for your encouraging e-mail.

  • http://www.Facebook.com/ginacooperworship Daniel

    Don,

    Thank you for being a valued customer of our church. Your financial donations have been so helpful in outsourcing your faith to us paid, religious professionals.

    The customer is always right!!!! We’ll do a much better job of serving your needs on your next visit. To apologize, please accept the attached coupon to attend one service and get a tithe credit for FREE!

    Again, we hope to earn your business more in the future!

  • http://www.theministrygroup.com Eric McFarland

    Dear Don,

    Thank you so much sending me this ill-thought email that you wrote in haste without praying about it or even thinking about it. It truly shows me, and everyone that will read it in next week’s church newsletter, how you view church as more of a fast food restaurant and less of a place of grace and love.

    I agree with you entirely, we had too many people at worship (most who were new and some that weren’t even believers) and we need to keep things small and only have people who we already know and like. Like I have always said, if you can’t make reservations on our website or iphone app two weeks in advance, you are not welcome at our church. The problem started with the kids and families from the other side of town, They don’t usually get a good meal like the one we had on Sunday and just because they felt hungry and rarely get three meals a day, they decided to fill their stomachs and made some of our regulars miss out on eating at church. I know some of our kids and those kids go to the same school, but we need to do a better job of keeping them separated. I apologize to you for having to go out and eat an expensive meal at that nice restaurant that my wife and I can’t afford on a youth ministers salary.

    I also want to thank you for introducing yourself and telling me who your kids are. Since I rarely see you at church and you have never actually volunteered with the youth ministry in the last five years your kids have been here, it’s good to put a name with an attitude. I have a great idea that I think you will love. I have put you as leader on helping plan and run our next community event.

    Next month we are having a service project that is geared for students and families in our community. Unfortunately, more of those un-chuched teenagers and families will be attending. We do our best to keep our church closed, but sometimes you have to let some of those people in or it looks bad on our pastor. We will be meeting on Saturday morning and 8 and finishing sometime later that day. The next day we will invite the people who served, and those we served, to lunch after worship. By Saturday morning you need to find places for us to help others and help spread the love of Jesus. Make sure you have enough places and supplies for us to work, but for goodness sake, don’t have too many places for us to work. We want to do “service work” that not only makes us look good, but will be beneficial to us in the long run. Also plan for everyone that attends to have lunch on Saturday and snacks and water during the day. Please make sure that all drivers have background checks and get enough volunteers to attend. When you get the volunteers, get extra because the weather might be very nice (people will want to go to the park instead) or very poor (people don’t want to do God’s work in bad weather). Sometime during the day, make sure to get a firm and final RSVP from everyone that is there. If they want to bring a friend or family member who is not there, make sure to tell them absolutely not. Also call all church members who are not there and talk with them about their plans.

    If you do run out of food next month, be aware that some church members might want to volunteer to run down the street to all those restaurants and purchase food to help feed everyone. It will take a few minutes and it would be better if they just complained about it to everyone and left without helping. If someone does ask how they can help, just tell them you have it all under control and send them away. Luckily for us, it is very rare that one of our church family members steps up and ask how they can help. For goodness sake, it’s all about fellowship at our church on Sunday morning. Forget about that “serving others” stuff, that’s only for that church down the street.

    Suggestion: When you invite students and families to a BBQ, please have enough patience and grace to help out and spread the Good News of Jesus Christ for everyone.

    Thank you,

    Kyle

  • Matthew Bell

    My reply:

    “Thanks for the input. God bless.

    Kyle”

    Seriously, it’s not worth wasting any time on this type of people. Move on to someone who will actually benefit from talking with you. Someone who will receive what you have to share with them. Focus on the sheep, not the goats!

    • http://everyonescalledtoyouthministry.wordpress.com Darren Sutton

      Yup Yup!!

  • http://www.campcourageusa.com Ronnie Hayes

    Counselor, 
    Thank you for your well articulated and insightful e-mail concerning our recent BBQ event. In response, the Senior Pastor, myself, and the church board reviewed your giving record for the past two years.  It seems your practice must be suffering every bit as much as our BBQ did. We’ll commit to praying that you have more clients if you’ll commit to praying for more dogs and burgers at next years BBQ.
    Thanks and CYA Sunday!

  • http://adifferentworldview.blogspot.com Jon

    Don,

    I guess we know now that the phrase “the last shall be first” doesn’t apply to BBQ dinners. Remember that reading the Bible in context is everything!

    Kyle

  • Marsha Z

    Don,

    Thanks so much for volunteering to head up our next BBQ. I’ll be in touch soon.

    Peace,
    Marsha

  • Troy Monday

    Don,

    I am glad your kids are enjoying the youth program.

    I have forwarded your email to the budget committee for consideration. It should go a long way towards increasing our BBQ allotment. Also, I am suggesting the issuance of church ID badges to prevent non church members from infiltrating any future events before church members have had their fill. I am confident that the surrounding community has a high enough opinion of us Christians in general that we can implement this policy without undue consequence.

    I apologize for this most grave injustice.

  • http://www.myepicjourney.com Ryan Smith

    If I received this letter from “Don” I would reply with a letter back sharing my apologies for not expecting so many parents and families to show up and will definitely do a better job the next time. I would place the letter in a box filled with whatever food we had at the BBQ and to state that I have placed food in the box as an apology for any inconvenience he may have suffered.

    One other idea, if you are in a smaller church, is to have a bunch of the BBQ on the stage during the main service and apologize for any inconvenience people may have had and that it was made clear to you by a letter that this really bothered people. Then invite Don and other parents who were upset to a special BBQ after the service.

    Of course these would be ridiculous but funny and would probably stop people from sending letters like this. This would probably because you wouldn’t be employed by the church anymore.

  • http://www.terracecrawford.com Terrace Crawford

    Put plastic pigs (or even real ones if you like) all over his front lawn.
    Bring the BBQ to him!

    Seriously, I’m over critical people too. Ministry is tough enough. Like this dear youth worker needed someone to point out that there was no food left. Next time, instead of writing a letter he should praise God that so many people enjoyed the luncheon that they ran out of food… or why not offer to be a SERVANT and go pick up food for those who didn’t get to eat? Sheesh.

    //TC//

  • http://www.afumcyouth.com Mark Ashby

    Dear Don,
    Let me first off apologize for you and your family not receiving any food. I also want to apologize for those “other families” that did not receive any food either. It is a grave injustice that you did not get any of the BBQ.
    Let me do a little explaining and share with you further as to why I am extremely sorry for your family did not get any BBQ. You see, when we start off the year, we have to plan a budget. For the lay person, a budget is how we operate our ministry financially for the year. However, you being a lawyer, I am sure that you contribute to this budget on a weekly basis. With this budget I planned for the amount of students, plus a little extra, that normally attend our youth meetings.
    That being said, we did a service project on Saturday. Little did I know that the Holy Spirit would also show up and bless our little group. Don, the great thing about this unannounced visit, was that our group attendance DOUBLED in size! That is TWICE as much as our normal attenders! This was very exciting. We got a lot of work done, and the Holy Spirit really moved and touched a lot of lives.
    When I planned this event, I guess I took out of the equation that the Holy Spirit would attend this youth ministry outreach function. I only planned for the financial aspect and bought what I thought would show up.
    Don, I know your family and your students that attend. I KNOW that they are VERY important part of our youth group. I am glad to hear that they enjoy the programming as well. This makes me happy. Don, you see, even though people we displeased with the result of not receiving food, I am sure that you as a Lawyer, can easily provide for your family and get a meal elsewhere. Please know, that I want your family to attend the BBQ. Maybe next time we do this, you could help me plan the event better, and if we need some more money to plan for this event, I know you will be more than willing to help.
    Thank you for the advice and thanks for bringing this grave injustice to my attention. You are very important to me, and your family is the most important family in my youth group and possibly in the church. Also. please know that while I asked for the Holy Spirit to bless our function, I will make sure he NOT show up so that you can get your food. Thanks for the input, and please feel free to email me or call me with any more further advice.
    Thanks,
    Kyle.

  • Adam McLane

    My response, actually this is my serious one.

    Hey Doug, [my senior pastor & friend] remember last time when I filled in for you and you said you had my back, too? See the below. Thanks bud.

    —

    Or…

    Don, I messed up. Sorry about that. Can I take you out to lunch this week? I’d love to make it up to you. Name a time and place and I’m there.

    My fun response:

    Don,

  • Adam McLane

    Fun response…

    Don,

    Any chance you want to help with next years 30 Hour Famine?

    Let me know….

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  • http://www.theoquest.blogspot.com Mike Andrews

    It’s always a little tricky to complain about complainers, isn’t it?

    My gut level, immediate desire would be to bite back with the same type of venom being spit at me. But hopefully, before I sent that email, I would take a deeper look and realize… I had just made an offer, and some families had been forced to walk away because I didn’t deliver. Maybe I already realized this, maybe not, but having the complaint brought forward, I will sure be thinking up some quick backup plans for next time.

    I’d then be able to sincerely apologize that I wasn’t quite expecting the awesome response that We had at the BBQ and thank Don for making sure I knew it wasn’t as great for everyone as it was for me. I could also thank him for commenting directly to me instead of just complaining to his friends and neighbors like so many gossips seem to do.

    Could his complaint have been worded a little better? Sure. But, remembering the grace I’ve been given would remind me to share that grace and forgive the snarkiness of the last bit of advice… I hope.

  • http://www.destination-home.org Neil Young (not the real one)

    Dear Don,

    thank you for letting me know about this problem. I have forwarded my letter or resignation to my senior pastor before I get sacked and you and your son will BOTH receive a hot dog in the post – it may be slightly cold when it gets there but if you pop it in the oven for a couple of minutes it should be ok!

    P.S Do you have any jobs going at your law firm now that I am unemployed?

  • Ryan

    Honestly, I would just email him a link to this post with all the responses. That would speak volumes.

  • http://www.maynardonline.com Rusty Maynard

    Maybe they would like to plan the food for the next event – maybe show us struggling ministers how to do this better! I’ve has this kind of thing too. As frustrating as it is to us the child will ultimately pay with his soul if things don’t change. Satan is efficient with thin consumer based faith :-(

  • Bernie

    This kind of stuff can really deflate youth leaders, especially those who might be insecure or inexperienced.

    I wouldn’t try to guilt him into serving or donating at the next event. There is no way I would want him around my other leaders, students, or volunteers, especially if this is how he views life and ministry. Nor would I reward or validate his complaint by taking him to lunch. You have to pick your battles, some things just aren’t worth giving a lot of attention or time dealing with.

    I would respond in a simple, respectful and polite way…

    Dear Don

    Thank you for your input, sorry it wasn’t better for you, next time we will try to plan better.

    sincerely

    Kyle

    Then, if I was Kyle’s pastor, I would take Kyle to lunch and show him how much I appreciate him! Let’s hope for Jesus sake that Kyle has these kinds of problems again!

  • Jeff

    Hi Don,

    Sorry about that, I know how you feel. I didn’t get to eat either. I was blessed out of my socks by the turn-out and it sounds like your children have been blessed by the youth ministry at other times. We had planned for extra, but never could have imagined it would turn out to be like a post-Pentecost Jerusalem gathering! Timing is everything, but don’t let this unfortunate occurrence stop you from seeing that God is at work with the youth in our community.

    Thanks,
    Kyle

  • doug

    There were so many to pick from that it’s difficult to identify a winner. But, I have…drum roll…I’ll announce it later this week. There was so much activity about this criticism that I’m going to write an entire post on it and some ways that I’ve dealt with criticism. In that post, I’ll list some of my favorites and announce the 2 winners there. Stay tuned.

  • doug

    Winners will be announced on Wednesday’s post April 6th.

  • Pingback: Parent’s critical email…the rest of the story (and winners)

  • Pingback: 10 Ways I Deal With Criticism

  • http://www.phillilp320.com Phillip Schneider

    Joke Answer: Ask Don why he didn’t offer to pray for a “feeding of the 5000″ repeat?

    Real Answer: Be honest with Don. Plans were made to accommodate with a larger-than-expected crowd, and that God blew right past and brought in many people who were not only hungry physically but spiritually. Then, ask Don what he would have done had he been in that situation: lots of people, no food, probably no cash to get more.

    I like to put things back onto people, not in a vindictive way. I really want to know what they would do. For whatever reason, this person thinks they can see my errors better than I, so why not put them to work solving my problems? Plus, this has the added benefit of forcing the person to activate some small molecule of empathy…hopefully.

  • Chris

    Dear Don,
    I apologize that I have neither your omniscience to know the number of people that would show, faith to be able to pray over the food and fill 12 baskets with leftovers, nor your substantial portfolio to work with. Please forgive my ineptitude. I know that you have never experienced the humbling feeling of being ill-prepared, so I seek your pardon.
    Humbly your inferior low-level servant,
    Kyle

    PS – I have noticed that some geniuses struggle with the idea of sarcasm, so while I would never dare suggest your lack of understanding, I will point out that everything you have read is the afore-mentioned sarcasm.