Personal

5 actions I take when I try to do “nothing”

May 8, 2013 by doug 2 Comments

Almost daily I get an email from a ministry leader who is tired and on the verge of burn out. There is so much about “ministry-world” that is exhausting. I understand this reality… firsthand. It’s real and ugly!

Too many leaders don’t even slow down enough to be faithful to God’s call for a Sabbath rest.

When I was a young leader I received great advice from a mentor who urged me to faithfully guard and protect a weekly day of rest. I’m so grateful for that advice and encouragement! Without intentional action, it’s simply too easy for a leader to slip into justifying non-Sabbath actions like, “I’m just going to pop into the office,” or “I’m so far behind, I just need to catch up” or “They need to spend time with me and I don’t think I can say ‘no’.”

I fully understand that the Sabbath doesn’t come in a one-size-fits-all experience, but for what it’s worth, here’s how I try to approach my day of rest:

I want to experience as many of the following as possible:

• Relaxation. I take it easy. I sleep in. I don’t fill the day with a lot of activities. I try to maintain an attitude of rest throughout the day.

• Recreation. I usually feel better and accelerate my rest after some form of exercise. It may be at the gym, but it’s usually a long walk or hike with my wife, Cathy.

• Relationships. Any time I choose to spend time with someone on my Sabbath, I make sure it’s a relationship that inspires me, breathes into me, and is rewarding for me. No work, just friendship.

• Reading. Throughout the week, much of my reading focuses on speaking or sermon preparation, so on my day of rest I usually choose light and fun reading.

• Reflection/Restoration. Reflection describes my extended time with God. I’ll usually reflect on the past week, look through my calendar, and think about what I might have missed that God had laid out for me. A busy week usually doesn’t allow me the time for reflection that I want or need. Restoration describes personal soul-care. It’s my time for worship, prayer, silence, Bible, and journaling.

There is no usual order to these areas… I simply try to experience all these throughout the day.

For in six days the LORD made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy. Exodus 20:11

Question: What about you? What do you normally do on your Sabbath? Share it here.

[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.

Filed Under: Leadership, Ministry (general), Personal Tagged With: busy, Leadership, meeting needs, reading, recreation, reflection, rest, Sabbath, study, work too much

“If only…”

March 17, 2013 by doug 5 Comments

It feels like I’ve had several “if only” conversations lately. “If only” is a phrase used in the never-ending search for “IT.” If only I… [fill-in the blank]
…had that job.
…held that title.
…lived in that neighborhood.
…made that amount.
…went there for vacation.
…etc.

My earliest recollection of “if only” and the never-ending quest for IT goes back to when I was a little kid and I had a Huffy bicycle. All the kids on my street owned a Schwinn. I had a Huffy—Kmart’s brand. You couldn’t be cool with a Huffy. But, that was my life. No expensive brands for me. My friends had the Spalding indoor/outdoor leather basketball and I had one my parents bought from a grocery store–that looked like a brown painted volleyball. My buddies wore Levis and I wore Sears’ brand—Husky pants. I was that kid–Husky’s on a Huffy. All the discount brands started with “H” for “humiliation.”

So I saved my money and, with a little help from my parents, I finally got a Candy Apple Red Schwinn 3 speed—very fancy. I rode that thing around like I was the CEO of Schwinn and they gave me the very best one ever made. No baseball cards in the spokes for me—not a chance—that was so childish. But, it wasn’t long before I determined that my life would be a little better if I had a 10-speed.

I wish that was my first and last visit with “if only” thinking… unfortunately that’s not reality.

Question: how do you help coach people to get past this limited thinking. What’s your advice? Share it here.

Filed Under: Faith, Leadership, Personal, posts Tagged With: ambition, faith, money, personal

Busy = something is usually broken

February 27, 2013 by doug 13 Comments

This last weekend I had the privilege to speak to several hundred couples at our Refreshing Your Marriage conference. Without a doubt, the number one issue facing the majority of these marriages is busyness. We heard it over and over.

I shared a story from my first year of marriage where I seemed to make the same mistake repeatedly. I was coming home late for dinner.

My wife, Cathy, was (and still is) very patient. During our year of marriage, she would call me in the afternoon and ask about my arrival time for a dinner at home. She was always cheerful and flexible and didn’t mandate a time to be home. I was given the chance to pick the time. Typically, I’d say something like, “I should be home at 6, so why don’t we eat at 6:30?”

Things would have gone really well had I arrived home at 6 p.m. like I said I would. Instead, as I was leaving the office I’d get a phone call from someone who needed to talk (this was before mobile phones). Or, as I was preparing to leave the office, a co-worker would stop by and ask if I had “just a minute.”

Distractions easily captured my attention, and I was always late coming home. But I really didn’t think it was a big deal since Cathy was always asking what time was convenient for me. It didn’t seem to be that big of a deal and I could justify my reasons for being late.

One night while we were having dinner, I politely asked, “Do you mind if I heat this up in the microwave for a minute?” Little did I know that a simple question could lead to tears, screaming, silverware flying, words I hadn’t heard her say before (to this day I still believe it may have been tongues), and a quick exit from the table. I thought, “What was that all about?”

When I pulled the fork from my neck, it became clear to me that it wasn’t about my question; it was about my nightly decisions to make everything and everyone more important than my wife. I wish I wasn’t so stupid then, but I’m thankful that I learned early on that some things just aren’t as important as other things (my marriage).

So while busyness in the pursuit of doing good things is often worn as a badge of honor, unfortunately, behind that badge we typically find a damaged spiritual life, a damaged family life, and a damaged career.

There is a price to pay for busyness and it’s usually steep. You show me a busy person and I’ll show you someone who is broken somewhere. They may be hiding it well, but busyness is often fuel by some hurt/pain trying to prove itself.

Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the consequences that typically follow an unrelenting lifestyle of busyness.

We have the freedom to make choices that can lead to blessing and favor or painful consequences. Battling busyness requires me to take a look inside my heart to make sure that my choices align with with my values/priorities. It’s not enough to simply prioritize my schedule, I’ve got to choose and schedule those things that matter most.

Question: What do you think is the primary reason you are busy? Share it here.

[Are you getting Doug's daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it’s real easy–go here.